carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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