Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
