I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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