hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
