And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
are you so shy because you have an std?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
