i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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