i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
