remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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