I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
