What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
