Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
