Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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