Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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