Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
