You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
