go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
