So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
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