im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
