If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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