i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
