sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
