weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
it hurts more in the daytime
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Randomize
