how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I think I am morally bankrupt
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
We left an ass print on the piano.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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