so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
there is glitter all over my balls
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
