Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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