I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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