If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
