I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
