can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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