I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
