this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
