Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
