alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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