I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
