REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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