I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
