Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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