Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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