dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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