just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
