Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
