After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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