i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'm sobbing to NWA
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
