I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Still dying that you shit outside
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
i out mim tonsoeep
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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