I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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