And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
