plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
i drank out of a bidet.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
