She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
You smell like stripper and shame
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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