im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
