did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
My vagina just recognized that song.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
