we're chasing vodka with high fives
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
