Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
