If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
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